So this isn’t one of my typical blog posts, it’s more-so an overview of a TIME article I recently found.
While this is a compilation of a few central points of the article, I highly encourage you to read it in its entirety here: What Makes You ‘Click’ With Someone Else?
I really wanted to share this piece because it’s based on a topic I’ve pondered with for a long time. Ever met someone and felt a deep connection or understanding you couldn’t explain? Deeper than with people you’ve known for a much longer period of time?
TIME reports that the biggest proponent of this may be vulnerability.
“Allowing yourself to be vulnerable helps the other person to trust you, precisely because you are putting yourself at emotional, psychological, or physical risk. Other people tend to react by being more open and vulnerable themselves…When you both make yourselves vulnerable from the outset and are candid in revealing who you are and how you think and feel, you create an environment that…can lead to an instant connection — a click.”
The article gives examples of the more vulnerable levels of communication:
- Gut-level communication is emotionally based. It’s personal, says something deeper about who you are and is focused on feelings: “I’m sad that you’re not here.”
- Peak statements are the most vulnerable level. They share your innermost feelings. Feelings that carry the most risk. These statements are rare, even with people we are very close to: “I guess at heart I’m terrified I’m going to lose you.”
A Love Experiment:
•Arthur Aron, a psychologist, studies how people form romantic relationships.
•He takes men and women who have never met before and makes them feel close to one another.
•He creates the intimacy levels that typically take weeks, months, or years to form in about an hour.
•He does this by using 36 questions (see my 10 favorites below).
•Participants shared their innermost fears or told the story of losing their virginity.
•The intensity of the dialogue partners’ bond at the end of the 45-minute vulnerability interaction were more powerful than many long-term, even lifelong relationships.
Examples of Questions:
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- Complete this sentence:”I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met?
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
See the rest of the questions here: The Shortcut To Bonding With A Romantic Partner On A Deeper Level